okai.. i am writing this because i think that i really need to release some things that has been hidden in my heart for a long time..

it is weird.. this feelings is very weird to me.. my heart feels so painful.. it feels like something has been ripped apart by something.. it also felt so empty.. i wonder why..

these days i kept thinking that i would never be able to see him again.. when i think of it, i felt so lonely and afraid.. i am afraid to be lonely.. i want to be with somebody i love.. i know that this is kind of mushy and stuff but i really need to let go of this burden in my heart..

sometimes, i feel that if i were to have no emotion, would i be safe from all the pains, cruelty and hurting in this world? no.. this is because there would never be a time where humans have no feelings or emotions..

it is asking to much to be with someone? they always said that you should never chase love as love would come naturally.. i guess that i always chase after love but in the end, the people i love ran away from me.. avoiding me.. is it wrong to love someone? is it wrong to say to someone that you love him or her? is it wrong to be love by someone?

what is love? love is something beautiful that even i could not explain it.. however, love is also painful, cruel and can be hurting to us.. that is love.. but i do not really understand.. is what i am feeling now love? is it really love? or is it a mere crush on someone? it may sounds weird.. but i think that i might be crazy..

okay.. now i am more weirder than ever.. i guess that i should have just drop this topic.. ouh.. anyways, happy christmas everyone.. ouh.. actually it is boxing day already.. ahah.. i am very sure that this would be the time where all the presents are actually been unwrapped.. the thrilling of getting a present.. too bad.. i never had that kind of feelings before.. never received any gifts by anyone.. well, i think that i do want something.. i mean for my birthday i mean.. but it is already passed.. haha.. so i don't think that i would be able to receive anything.. haha.. lolol.. well i would see you guys tomorrow.. nights..