hey hey.. first of all let me say the things that happened on friday then saturday and followed by sunday..

the event that happened on friday.. ouh my freaking abyss!! the reflections was like super awesome... but due to some idiotic band whose name i forgot really screwed up big time.. and i am not joking with you.. it was really horrible.. they should have did some checking first before they start playing.. the reason of you checking any equipments is because the audience do not want to listen to any off-keys music.. then the next thing is that when you are playing you have to follow to the rhythm...

so this is what happened if you do not do any equipments check or anything that needed to be check and also when you are playing off-keys, your audience would be decreasing in numbers every minute.. this shows that you are not professional enough to be playing on the stage.. sigh

but i tell you one thing, i think i am going to be a fan of arson!! ahaha.. they really rock my world!! woohoo!! hahah.. lol.. i am damn high when i heard rudolf sang those songs.. ahha.. i am not sure what the feeling is but i felt a bit of freedom.. haha.. lol.. i am very looking forward to their next performance.. ahaha.. lol.. ouh.. about ken!! haha.. i really love his hair!! it was like damn fucking nice ar.. i am loving it.. ahha.. lol

haha.. what i am happy about is that i was able to see him perform on stage.. haha.. to me, he was like a shining star.. haha.. not until like that kind of imagination.. it is just that to me, he just stood out from the rest.. haha.. lol.. amin thought of the wrong person.. haha.. sorry amin.. you are wrong.. haha.. ila!! you know, i know, we know the person.. haha.. lol.. you know who i like, and i know who you like.. but why not you just take his email?? haha.. i have his email.. don't you want it?? haha.. i even got his photo.. if i am not mistaken.. haha.. want them?? haha.. lol.. xP

i came at 8 am sharp in the morning on sunday morning.. haha.. i kind of lied to my dad that i would be helping out for the event.. well, i did help but not for the event but just helping out here and there.. haha.. actually only my mom knows the reason of why i went there.. ahah.. i want to see fit's band perform.. ahah.. then i got to know that josh's band was also performing.. hahha... i seriously thought and heard that the name of the vocalist of josh's band is eugene.. but it turns out to be yuji.. ahaha.. mix of japanese and malay.. that is what i heard..

then there was some problems.. i won't say much about it but the time where i was all alone in the studio, i was like damn lonely and afraid.. i feel like screaming.. seriously, i don't ever want to be all alone in the studio.. i was really damn feel so lonely.. and i hate that feeling.. it gives me a chill.. sigh.. i am not sure what it is.. but i just know that if a person wants me to stay in the room, then i would like that someone would at least accompany me.. sigh

it has been a while since i update my blog.. okay.. very long time.. sigh.. many things had happened and i am now damn tired because of all the problems that i was carrying during these few weeks.. sigh..

my dad is a one damn stubborn guy.. i guess that the stubborn genes run in the family.. why do i say that? it is simple.. i realised that i am stubborn as well.. sigh.. but blame anyone.. ahha..

no jamming for two weeks.. should we jam outside?? sigh.. kelly emailed karl and mentioned that the studio will be occupied next friday.. but i am not sure of what is going on in the studio.. haha.. well.. i guess its normal.. lucky karl told me early.. if not, i would not want to think of the reactions of my band mates.. sigh

haha.. we camwhore again and again!! haha.. camwhoring is fun.. by camwhoring, it shows another side of you that you would not even think off.. haha.. hey congrats azee.. your banner is now beings used!! wee!! i love the uniqueness of the banner.. wootsa!! hahah.. i want fara editted picture.. sigh.. tomorrow i will post some picture that i took during the class outing!! hahah.. yup.. we did have an outing somewhere last 3 weeks or something like that..

sigh.. i am missing him right now.. i miss seeing his smile.. i miss talking to him.. sigh.. someone please help me.. even if he did read my blog, i do not think that he would know that i really love him a lot.. i don't mind if someone reject me.. at least i know his feelings towards me is just friends and not more than that.. sometimes, we are unable to differentiate between feelings among friends and feelings among the person that we are currently in love with..

i know it suck.. but at least did chat with him.. but i still wanna see the face that has a very big hearty smile.. well i think that made my day.. sigh.. why must i fall hard for this guy.. haha..

during breakfast today, we asked each other to be truthful.. when we like a person, we would surely look at their outer beauty first then inner beauty.. that was the question that was being posted to us.. my answer is not really.. this is because i can tell you that my ex-boy do not have the looks but the personality is there.. that time i think that my eyes were really damn blind because i really thought that their personalities are good but turned out they are just some horny bastards.. haha.. oh well.. who cares..

when this question is posted to a guy, i think i would know the answer.. "err.. i think i go for both".. that will be the answer.. but have you ever think why you like or love that person? isn't because he or she is a beauty in your eyes.. there is a saying of "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder".. so i think that it is true after all.. for me, i think it is because of his smile that makes me attracted to him.. funny right.. then i went deeper to look for his true self.. but from what i had known is that guys will only reveal their true self when they are together with someone.. that is from my own experience.. but who cares about now.. that is a different story once i got to know his real self.. i think that it would be fair to look out for his true self.. i like this kind of bitter sweet unrequited love.. but sometimes, i really feel lonely when i saw a couple walking beside me and laughing so happily..

i guess that is a normal thing to feel.. sigh.. i better end here because i am downloading something and it is a "bit" lagging.. sigh.. oh my.. kaikan phrase songs are super awesome.. i am not sure if you have heard of it before but it is quite refreshing to listen to foreign songs..

okay.. i got to end now.. well i see you tomorrow..

ouh my farking abyss!! argh!! why must my dad be like that? i missed my farking UT again!! because of what? made me stay up the whole night to massage him.. don't think the wrong thing.. there's something wrong with bones.. a bit weird though.. i think it is because he is old now and his injuries from his younger days are starting to have effects on him.. sigh.. i told him to have a medical check-up about his bones and he is just too stubborn to listen to me.. and i was the one to be the victim..

now he is in the hospital.. i hope that he would recover quickly.. damn it!! sigh.. it would be good that he would be able to rest at home.. ouh did i mention that his skin had rashes because he is working in that damn farking company.. i think his skin really is sensitive to this kind of chemical fumes.. sigh..

ouh well.. i need to get the permission of my parents to stay until 11pm.. because there are some photoshoot going on tomorrow.. after the jamming session though.. ahah.. hopefully, i get the permission.. sigh..

ouh well.. i would be happy if my dad can be released by tomorrow and he also allows me to go for the photoshoot thingy... kies.. got to rush now.. see you..

heya!! wow.. i think i am really damn farking stress today.. reason is because instead of my mom nagging, my dad was the one who took that place and yeah!! the whole day i got nagging, scolding and even shouting from my dad because of one simple reason.. that is i did not bring enough medicine for him.. he has to take these medicines as he has some kind of sickness which might affect me too if i do not look after my health.. haha.. you can say that his disease was passed through generation.. haha.. well i think that he is turning a bit nuts due to the medication he had been taking all this while.. sigh.. sometimes, i hope that he would be gone from my life for good but too bad, no matter how much i hate him to be angry, i still love him and i cannot change the fact that he is my father.. sigh.. god damn it.. argh!! i am so pissed with him right now..

i can't use the internet or the computer when he is at home.. he even threatened me that he would smashed my laptop (NOOO!!)... reason is because i was too busy study for my idiotic UTs that are coming up very soon and i did not spend time with him.. to put things easier and more understanding, he is jealous that i love my lappy more than him.. haha.. he could be really childish sometimes and even thinks that we are robot who do not have feelings and not a human with feelings..

i went out with my friends on friday and we had fun.. i think that my time was not wasted by spending time with them.. to be honest, this is the first time my parents (to be specific, my dad) allowed me to go out with my friends to have dinner at night.. i was like damn happy and excited too as this is the first time i was given the permission to go out with my friends.. but i know my limits so rules are rules.. if not followed, there will be consequences.. sigh.. i can't wait for my dad to change his car from honda civic to subaru impreza.. i want him to change to subaru wrx impreza but the price was damn "beautiful".. haha.. could not afford it.. haha.. lol...

sigh.. i really hope that tuesday UT would not be too difficult.. i really hope so.. sigh.. well best of luck to me.. kies.. i got to go now.. i paste some pictures of us during the outing.. haha.. cheers.. and good night!!

i think i have nothing better to do.. however, since i came out with an idea, i might just type down the things that are running in my mind right now..

the first...

... i was born into this world -- 06/12/1990 ...

... i cried -- 06/12/1990 ...

... i screamed -- 06/12/1990 ...

...i laughed -- somewhere during 3 months old ...

... i stoned -- somewhere during 3 months old ...

... i called my mom "mak" -- 1 year old ...

... i called my dad "pak" -- 1 year old ...

... i travelled to other countries -- 1 year old ...

... i went to a kindergarten --- 3 years old (PPIS) ...

... i ran -- 3 years old ...

... i exercise properly -- 3 years old ...

... i make friends all by myself -- 3 years old ...

... thing i say when i am in class for my first day of kindergarten -- "hello kawan-kawan. saya baru masuk dan saya suka kawan dengan awak" >> "hello friend. i am new here and i would like to be friends with you"

... word i know how to spell -- elephant ...

... i do not like someone -- 3 year old ...

... i start singing -- 3 years old ...

... i start dancing -- 3 years old ...

... exam i scored -- full marks ...

... i went to a primary school -- 6 years old (keming primary school) ...

... i got a punishment -- 7 years old (because i let my friend copy my homework.. xP) ...

... i take up taekwondo -- 9 years old (actually my dad was the one who forced me.. but as time passed i found it quite fun.. =]) ...

... i like someone -- 9 years old (Yunos... it is a good thing that i don't like him anymore because he is such a jerk... hahaha...) ...

... i confessed my feelings -- 9 years old ...

... i start smoking -- 9 years old (but i quited after one month)

... someone bitched about me -- 10 years old ...

... i lost my first kiss -- 10 years old (it was pure accident... haha... actually it was a funny sight too... haha... the guy i kissed was like 3 years older than me... haha... well, they said anything can happen during a martial art training... haha) ...

... i host a program -- 10 years old (during teacher's day)

... i had a boyfriend -- 11 years old (christopher but he is a horny busted!! ahaha) ...

... i take PSLE -- 11 years old ...

... i get dumped -- 12 years old ...

... i get my black belt for taekwondo -- 12 years old (it was also a funny incident) ...

... i get into a secondary school -- 12 years old (assumption english school)

... i get D7 for a subject -- 12 years old (literature sucks!!)

... person who hate me -- 12 years old (Ben is some freak i don't even wanna talk about..) ...

... i stand up for a friend who nearly got beaten -- 12 years old (it was due to some dumb rumors that those girls heard from some sickos and phycos) ...

... i get kicked on my chest -- 12 years old (hahaha... can't even say anything but it was really funny and the person who kicked my chest was a guy... can you imagine what i was feeling? yeah!! OUCH and i just want to shout molest... ahhaha...) ...

... i danced with a guy -- 13 years old (during a graduation of my seniors... why i was there? along with me, my friends put up a performance for them)

... i get F9 for a subject -- 14 years old (physics... the formulas are confusing!!)

... i dumped a guy -- 14 years old ...

... i failed almost all subjects -- 15 years old (during my O level prelims.. xP) ...

... i take my O level -- 15 years old (can't believe that i am able to pass!! ahah...) ...

... i decided to let go someone -- 16 years old (Julius... he kept giving me mixed feelings... but i had let him go since i had been liking him for 5 years and with no return... so yeah!! moving on!!) ...

... i owned a laptop -- 16 years old (fujitsu.. hello darling lappy!! hahaha...) ...

... i joined two cca or igs at the same time -- 16 years old (judo and ja) ...


hahah.. i will stop until here because i am still going through the process of uncovering the mysteries of the world.. hahah...

got to go now... preparing myself before i go school... for jamming session... ahah... i hope i might get to see him... ahhaa...

man.. what a tough day.. guess what?! each and every minute get some scoldings and orders at the same damn time!! how am i supposed to do at all one shot tell me?? i am very sure that we need do to things one at a time right? sigh..

well i am quite happy though that i have managed to come out with a new song.. haha.. i am damn excited but i am not sure of the title of the song.. i want to discuss with my band mates and ask them for suggestion..

ouh.. the audition is on this friday and i hope that the audition will end before three because by then, i am going out with my classmates to eat!! haha.. lol.. sweet.. love them so much.. ahah.. then still, i have to pay fara because i asked her to buy something for me.. something that little kids should know about.. haha.. lol..

"mummy!! can i smoke?!" ahah.. this is always the sentence i ask to my so-called mummy.. ahha.. lol.. mummy are you reading this?! haha then i will always know that you would reply, "oh!! sure you can, darling!! since i want you to die faster.." ahaha.. stupid mummy.. hahah.. should wrap you with toilet paper and stuff you in a coffin or throw you into the Egyptian tomb so that you can become a real MUMMY.. haha

man.. one week holiday is fun but can be quite boring if you do not have anything to do.. sigh.. abyss.. i miss seeing him.. i wanna see him.. who knows i might just see him on one or two of the days when i go to school for training or jamming.. hahha.. lol.. nobody know who is he?? ahha.. lol.. figure it out yourself!! hahaha.. and yet i have taken another step towards abyss.. aahaha.. kies.. i got to go.. but before that pictures of my outing is down below.. ahaha